YOU SHOT ME!
by HauntingShadowGrimReaper
Summary: What really happened. Just a fun little one-shot I wrote about one of my favorite moments in the series with my three favorite characters. Not at all meant to be serious. Takes place at the party in the Citadel DLC. Oh and again, I spell Za'eed the way I do only out of preference and habit. I know the actual spelling is Zaeed.


**NOTE: Just a fun little one-shot I wrote about the Citadel DLC party. Had been thinking about this scene cause it involves my three favorites and wondered how this would've played out. Didn't plan for it to turn out this way. Just started writing and this is what I ended up with. All of it off the top of my head.**

The party was turning out to be quite the success. Shepard smiled to herself as she watched her crew, past and present, mingling and laughing over drinks. They had overcome a lot, not just personally, but with each other as well. She was proud of them, but two in particular was what had her beaming in her pride for them. Jack and Miranda may not see eye to eye still, but they were actually talking without trying to kill each other and even semi-laughing. She was eavesdropping on their conversation in the den when she heard the sound of a shotgun going off in the direction of the lounge.

"WHAT THE…?" Shepard was at a loss for words when she saw the damage. Za'eed, Wrex, and Javik were all hunched down, taking cover behind her couch, guns drawn and aimed at the bar. She turned in the direction of their gazes and saw beer bottles lined up on the bar. "Target practice? Here? Now?"

"Relax, Shepard. It's under control. This happens at Krogan parties all the time," Wrex chuckled, clearly amused at her expression of horror.

"And yet, somehow, I'm still not comforted, Wrex," she sighed.

"Commander," Javik acknowledged her. "There you are. We were just discussing our plans for when the war is over. I believe the one you call Za'eed is Prothean in disguise. I like him. He suggested we take over the Galaxy. We are already making plans. You should join us. We have given you an honorary position."

Shepard just stared at him, her eyes blinking as her mouth gaped open. Clearly the alcohol was starting to affect them a little too much. She shook her head to clear all the bad images out of her head that Javik had just placed there. All those possible outcomes with their "plan" and every single one worse than the one before it.

"It's okay, Shepard. We all know how to handle a gun. Just forget that some of us have no depth perception."

"Should I also forget that along with you having no depth perception, Za'eed you are also VERY, VERY drunk," she sighed at him.

"I told you… It's fine." He leaned out of his makeshift couch cover and lined up his shot with his pistol. Shepard heard the sound of glass breaking behind her. She didn't turn to look. She was afraid of what she might see.

"Goddamn it. Missed another one. Doesn't quite help that I'm seeing two of everything."

He leaned out of cover again and fired.

"Shit… shit… shit… MASSANI, YOU ARE GOING TO PAY FOR THAT." Shepard had sunk to the floor as soon as the bullet from Za'eed's pistol had grazed her arm.

"Oh come on, Shepard. You've taken worse hits than that," Wrex rolled his eyes at the Commander.

"NOT FROM MY OWN CREW, WREX." She hissed as she covered the bleeding wound with her hand.

"Commander, I believe, in your cycle, there is such a thing as medi-gel," Javik stated trying to hold back his laughter at the Commander's unfortunate circumstance.

"NOT FUNNY, JAVIK." She barked as she activated her omni-tool and applied the gooey substance to her bicep.

By this time, everyone had gathered, or attempted to gather, in the lounge to see what Shepard was yelling about. They were trying to show their concern, but their alcohol induced states kept them from being able to get to her as quickly as the would like.

Tali had rushed in first at a speed that would put FTL to shame and forgot to slow to a stop and started swaying mid skid before falling flat on her face with a "AAH!" immediately passing out right under Wrex. He looked at her with amusement as he gently tried to kick her awake. No response. He shrugged his shoulders and turned his attention back to the commander.

Kaidan was right behind Tali but had bumped into the bar, causing him to stumble backwards and trip over Shepard who was sitting with her back to the bar.

Grunt was next. He had heard his battlemaster getting angry and had rushed in to save the day but instead rushed into the wall missing the open doorway by mere inches, leaving a Krogan sized hole in the wall. The force knocking him on his ass. Liara had been right behind Grunt and fell stomach first over his head when he fell back from hitting the wall.

Garrus had come running down the stairs from the upper level a little too fast. He missed a step that caused him to flip over the railing and land smack dab in the middle of the waterfall display. He was flailing his arms and coughing as the water poured down over his head before finally being able to move just enough to get out of reach of the water. Just as he got clear of the waterfall, Vega came running past him bumping into him throwing him back into the wretched pool of death. Vega kept going, not realizing he had just sent the Turian to a certain unfortunate death. Vega ran into the lounge just as Shepard had kicked her leg out to try to get up, unknowingly tripping Vega, who landed abdomen first over the arm of the couch.

"Goddamn it, Vega. You're blocking my shot." Za'eed grumbled as he was still trying to peek out and hit at least one beer bottle. He shoved Vega off onto the floor and he landed on his back with a loud "THUD"

"Oow" Vega half whispered, breath slightly knocked out of him.

Miranda Jack and Jacob came in next, tumbling and swaying into each other as they tried to run while attempting to hold each other up, finally collapsing in a heap as they entered the room. Traynor rushed in behind them, stopping just before she fell over them, but somehow still managing to end up greeting the floor with her face.

Samara stepped over them gracefully, reaching a hand out to the Commander to help her stand. Shepard took the offer and got to her feet. "Thank you, Samara."

Joker, Kasumi and Edi stood in the doorway, looking this way and that at the heaps and piles that were their crewmates. "Did you get all that, Kasumi," Joker asked.

"Sending it to you now," Kasumi stated.

"Awesome. Wonder how many creds I could make selling this to people. I think I'll call it. "This Is How We Do It.'" He laughed as he walked away to take his place back on the couch in the living room.


End file.
